Splat!!!

TITLE: CRASH - THE PRIMITIVES

Weird, that’s how I feel. And so far that’s the best I have felt in a while. I’m reeled in and thrown back. A glimmer of hope ignited, I know that it’s false. Yet it drives me to continue. I’ve experienced a waking dream. Being where I want to be. Me praying I don’t wake from it.

TITLE: SLEEP TO DREAM HER - DAVE MATTHEWS BAND

Almost the end of the week and I must admit that it has been a very moody one for me. After feeling very angry, sad, depressed, insignificant, helpless, etc; I am now on a high. I feel happy, excited and hopeful. It’s a total turn around.

TITLE: BOUNCE – BON JOVI

TITLE: BENEATH THE SURFACE - INCOGNITO

I stepped off the plane, plunging downward. It took a while for me to move through the door but I committed. When I reached the crucial moment, I pulled the ripcord; hoping to hear the whoosh of the parachute, to feel the decrease in speed. Nothing happens. I continue to free fall, the earth coming up faster. For some unexplained reason I feel exhilarated. Accelerating more, savoring every moment. The thrill overcoming the fear of knowing what will happen.

TITLE: FREE FALLIN’ – TOM PETTY & THE HEARTBREAKERS

Debbie, Margie, Tito and I watched the movie “Skeleton Key” a few days ago. It sucked big time. Me wanting to see a good horror flick, I basically forced the issue of the movie on them (they hate horror movies). My bad. Good thing Kate Hudson was in the movie. It wasn’t a total loss (plus I got to see how Debbie watches a horror; it’s funny).

I’m going to harp again on how American film makers cannot make a decent horror flick. I should have taken the “from the writer of the Ring” billing as a warning. The US version of “The Ring” was awful. I should just wait for another Asian horror movie to get my fix. My only problem will be trying to get someone to watch it with me.

TITLE: SCREAM – BILLY IDOL

Rejection is ugly. The word itself is negative. This makes you wonder how to reject someone, for whatever reason, a nice way. It’s been done. I’m sure it was done to me countless times. If that’s the case then, you’ll have to learn to read through the lines and take the hint. Know when you’re not wanted. This leads me to realize that a let down, no matter how it is put, is still a letdown.

TITLE: BEAUTIFUL LETDOWN - SWITCHFOOT

Something funny (in hind sight anyway) happened to me today. Well I got into an accident. I was on the roof this afternoon to fix a cable for cable TV. I went about my business and was about to head down when I stepped on a rotten piece of roofing tile. Can you guess what happened next? Let’s just say there’s now a foot sized hole on the roof (must lose weight). My leg went in till about my knee.

There’s now about a five inch gash (a little exaggerated) on my calf that hurts like hell. My mom put antiseptic on it already to avoid infections. What I do to get better reception. The sucky part of this whole thing was, when I got down the reception went bad again. Well my luck hasn’t been the best in the past few and this just adds to it. Oh well, things get much worse before they get better. Let’s hope.

TITLE: THIS CAT’S ON A HOT TIN ROOF – BRIAN SETZER ORCHESTRA

You know what? I’m hard headed. I’m supposed to ward off anymore feelings I have; make it easy on me. But no! Instead they are getting stronger, despite knowing the futility. I’m going to have to brace myself for a crash, a really hard one.

TITLE: ONLY TIME WILL TELL - NELSON

That’s how long the court gave us to vacate our home. Why you ask? Well, our bastard of a landlord hasn’t been straight with us. Apparently he got into a tussle with the bank and had this house foreclosed way before we even moved it. He kind of neglected to tell us. Now the son-of-a-bitch is still trying to get us to stay; ignore the court order. What a crook!

TITLE: SEVEN DAYS - STING

With the rain and all, I’ve spent a good deal of my time in my room. The longer I stay in it, the more of a mess it becomes. My room looks little like the bedroom it’s supposed to be. No, it looks more like a lab (with a bed). I’d like to think of it that way. Shelves with all sorts of little knick-knacks, a computer and all sort of peripherals occupying one wall, boxes and storage bins in the corners; all necessary for me to get whatever I deem as work done. The bright point of the whole thing is the color, orange; meant to keep the attitude of the persons in it ever energetic. With all the time now on my hands, tidying up is in order; lest it turn from lab to jungle.

TITLE: HERE IN MY ROOM – INCUBUS

I'm not in the habit of posting lyrics, but I found myself going through the last album I played on and this song jumped at me. It's called "Daisy" and it's the song that got 7Foot Jr. to win the 2003 NU Rock Awards Video of the Year. That's not the reason I'm posting the lyrics though. I just found it eerie because it's so relevant. Almost a blog entry with music. Those that know me will understand what I mean. Here are the lyrics (substitute in the appropriate places to make more relevant):

pudpod na ang mga daliri...sa dalas ng pagdial sa number mo...busy ang
linya...sinong kausap mo? bakit nagseselos ako...kelangan ko nang
aminin...sa sarili na ikaw ay mahal ko...

Chorus:
Daisy...magkaibigan, magbarkada, bestfriends pa..
Daisy...bakit ba may ikaw at may ako..pero walang mangyari sa tayo....

kahapon ako'y nangako na...pipilitin ang sariling limutin ka...ayokong
umasa dahil alam mo na...matagal na akong nagmumukhang tanga...tanggap
ko na naman...walang patutunguhan...tayong dalawa hanggang kwentuhan
lang...(Chorus)

...sa tayo

kapag nagsisine...braso sa braso, nadarama mo ba ako?...kasama
araw-araw...bitbit ang gamit mo..bumubuntot na parang aso...sadya bang
pang gimik na lang ako? (Chorus)

Daisy(pangfishball lang ako)
Daisy(pang-isaw lang sa kanto)
Daisy(pangyosi at inuman)
Daisy...ayokong hanggang kwentuhan lang...

TITLE: DAISY - 7FOOT JR.

“Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn't. You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.” This quote is from the book “Tuesdays with Morrie” by Mitch Albom. Morrie calls it “The tension of opposites”. Never in my life have I felt this more real than I do these days.

I know I’ve wanted things to happen to me recently. I’ve taken steps believing that I’m heading towards my goal, yet I already knew from the start that I’d never make it. At the times I am happiest, I am also the saddest. I’ve taken two steps forward and two steps back. Knowing that I’m at a dead end in my journey, I still trudge along doing the little that I can.

“The tension of opposites”, I’m living it.

TITLE: UPS AND DOWNS – SNOOP DOGG

It took all my willpower not to go out tonight. Besides the weather being crappy and all (but highly conducive to staying in bed), I just know that if I go out I'll end up in Capone's. Everyone was texting me tonight, asking me if there was a plan. Tito went out regardless of whether there was one or not. I resisted. As much as I really want to hang out with everyone, I can't take Capone's that much anymore. I'll be there tomorrow anyway. I just know it, I'm going to probably be the only one not there tonight.

TITLE: RESIST - RUSH

I felt really good last night. Everything seemed right despite a niggle or two. From Yaku to McDonald's, I was happy. Only if that could have lasted. Alas, everything has to come to an end.

TITLE: ONLY FOR SO LONG - DISHWALLA

As you might have noticed, my blog has a different look once again. Simple and clean. I had to change my last template because its banner got erased and I don't have a copy anymore. With all the things that have been happening to me recently and the nature of my entries being much different these days, I guess the look just had to follow.

TITLE: EVERYTHING CHANGES - MATTHEW SWEET

Haloscan commenting and trackback have been added to this blog.

Right now I am filled with a multitude of feelings and thoughts that I haven’t felt in, admittedly, years. I honestly don’t know how to handle a lot of these, and no matter how I look on the facade I can tell you my spirits are low.

I’m just glad that I have (re)discovered a place where you leave yourself behind and take the role of observer. I’m back to losing myself in fantasy books. They’re fairy tales for a more mature child. Something I reckon I still am. Immersing myself in another world is great for forgetting these so ho-hum days.

TITLE: DISTANT ESCAPE – TRIP M

A place I’ve been hanging out a lot these past few months has been Capone’s Bistro in Makati. I used to just pop in from time to time and enjoyed myself. Recently I’ve spent more time there than my home (okay that might be an exaggeration but you get the idea). During a discussion early this morning, it was brought up that Capone’s can be bad for you. I’ve felt that for sometime but only now has it ever been verbalized.

As with anything, too much of something good can be harmful. I think right now that’s how I feel towards Capone’s. That place is the only place that makes me act irrational, irritable and boisterous. I tried to pick a fight with the owner for Christ’s sake! I would like to avoid the place if I could. Granted I have gigs there and I’m required to go, the other days of the week I should stay away. I have friends with better discipline than I do with regards to this. I must deepen my resolve to stay away. Hopefully my friends will understand and help me out.

TITLE: I’M STILL HERE – VERTICAL HORIZON

It is done. I've said it. It went just as much as I could have expected. Nothing more nothing less. As much as I feel down (that's an understatement really) that I didn't hear what I hoped, I have to be thankful for what I got. I'll still be ever vigilant and always protective despite all. Hopefully my mind will be silent now.

TITLE: SOMETHING THE BOY SAID - STING

I noticed something about myself recently and only now do I know how to put it into words. I thrive on pain. Not physical pain but the emotional kind. I've absorbed much from the pain of others and I've noticed that it brings out the best in me. I'm at my kindest and my most sincere state (sometimes my wisest) as I'm taking it all in. Ironic then that I can't channel my own to get me to act the same way.

TITLE: THE HURTING - TEARS FOR FEARS

I am now awake after a very short hour of sleep. I cannot for the life of me seem to go back to bed and get the sleep I so desperately need. So I now run to the refuge of my one true love that has always been there to comfort and tend to me whenever I seem to be in difficulty. My computer.

TITLE: ZOMBIE - THE CRANBERRIES

Ignorance is bliss. It's self explanatory.

TITLE: IGNORANCE IS BLISS - LIVING COLOUR

Strength is something everyone around me (well, myself included) needs a lot of these days; to be able to stave off pain, doubt, insecurities, or simply to gain more courage. Only if it could be bottled and taken when needed.

TITLE: STRONG ENOUGH – SHERYL CROW

“The truth will set you free” so goes a bible quote. The same quote that’s been buzzing around my brain for a while. I’m working up the courage to pay heed to it. I know the consequences may be dire for me; however it is for the better of others. Knowing this gives me a little more strength.

TITLE: THE MOMENT OF TRUTH - SURVIVOR