In this very busy and crowded place, I find myself alone. You know what? I’m used to it. I have friends with me right now, but I still end up shrinking into an imaginary bubble. That bubble is my own little world.

I have always been a loner. I don’t mind eating, watching a movie or walking around the mall by myself. It’s only recently that I’ve been sociable; mainly because I’ve found people who I can relate to. Recently however, I’ve found the familiarity of being in bubble. I fade to the background and embrace silence; even if I’m with company. Voices are drowned out; only background sounds are all I hear.

I guess the old me is resurfacing. My dependence on needing people is waning. Things really just move in cycles. My disposition isn’t immune. Here's to hoping it does me more good than harm.

TITLE: GO IT ALONE - BECK

Looking back I’d say my 31st year was good, despite the few trying and ill-tempered times that have happened. So many things to be thankful for like the band doing well, and the change in my outlook on things (let’s just say I have a better disposition now). I’ve also made a few new friends and have become closer (much) with a few old ones.

As I said not everything went well. These things have made me discover a lot that I did not know about myself; some surprisingly good, some surprisingly bad. However, I now have a better picture of who I am. I can now play to my strengths, or fix my weaknesses. All good.

Here’s to being 32! Hopefully this year will be just as big as the last one.

TITLE: EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN – BARENAKED LADIES

It’s officially the last day of my week long celebration of my birthday (birth week?). I did have a lot of plans, though nothing really pushed through. Being with my friends, talking to them, or simply SMSing (is that a real verb?) with them was enough to make my week special. I shall also not forget to mention that they gave me quite a surprise on my birthday eve. I love them. Someday I shall get to show them my gratitude.

It is only fitting that I end my birth week with my family. I’ve been gone the whole time that I haven’t spent much with them. Maybe a nice dinner tonight would be good. A fitting end I think.

TITLE: SEVEN IMPOSSIBLE DAYS – MR. BIG

As a musician I go around different places to watch other musicians perform. It has come to my attention during these visits that there are still musicians out there that have nothing of value to say. What I mean by this is the “forever” solo. This usually occurs during a jam session.

A musician speaks with his instrument (get those dirty thoughts out of your mind). When he does a solo, he is in speech. Like a real speech, if you have nothing to say and all you do is babble; then you become boring. I’ve seen this happen plenty of times.

Guitarists are usually the biggest offenders (however they’re not the only ones). They just solo till your ears bleed. They try to show the world that they can play. I’ve got news for you buddy, your solo is crap. Grow up. Learn to play something meaningful.

The saddest part of all this is that there are people that truly believe that these offenders are good. When you say otherwise, you’re labeled as “yabang”. Hopefully the greater audience will eventually learn on their own that to stroke the ego of these people will only encourage more gibberish. Here’s to hoping that day will come soon.

TITLE: OUT OF CONTROL - HOOBASTANK

The Discovery Channel showed a program called “The Spear of Jesus” the other day (a really interesting documentary), and it reawakened my inner child. As a kid, I used to love everything about archaeology; especially if it dealt with the supernatural or the occult. I guess also that’s why I loved the “Indiana Jones” movies. Adventure, science, mystery; these are things that I wanted back then and still crave for now. I find it ironic then that by chance I get to see a show like this, and at a time where I think I’m losing the real me.

Maybe it’s symbolic. A show about the “The Spear of Destiny” is telling me that my destiny doesn’t lay in where I’m dwelling now. I should change direction. Forget the trivialities that bug me. Find my own adventure. Try and live life without having to succumb to pity and despair. After all, Indy manages to escape his perils.

TITLE: DIGGING IN THE DIRT – PETER GABRIEL

As I was taking a shower yesterday, I had an epiphany. Things, as well as people, change. I realize that friends and friendships are not immune to change. As much as I miss having things the way they were before, and always worrying about how it isn’t the same; I should just let things run its course and accept it. By accepting change, I free myself from much angst and frustration that I’ve had pent up inside me.

I guess this in itself is change, a change in my own attitude towards things. It’s like I’ve breathed in fresh air, and exhaled all my negative feelings. I know I’ve only started thinking this way for about a day, but oh what a relief it is!

TITLE: EVERYBODY’S CHANGING - KEANE

What’s happening to me? I’m getting irritable and moody. Like a switch was flipped, my character just swings from party boy to war freak in an instant. Is it old age, stress, alcohol? My mom says its lack of sleep. I really don’t know. So now I ask, no, beg my friends to put up with me. Let me know when I’m being an ass so I may lighten up. Hopefully I may find the root of the problem and I shall revert to the happy guy I used to be.

TITLE: MY EVER CHANGING MOODS – THE STYLE COUNCIL

I’d like to thank Margie, Debbie, Chris, Tito and Jay for making my birthday really special. I truly appreciate what you guys have done and won’t forget it (neither will my mom; I smelled like alcohol all the way till the next afternoon!). Where will I be without you guys?!

Of special mention is the Capone’s fraternity. Frank the Tank thanks you.

TITLE: THE PRIME TIME OF YOUR LIFE – DAFT PUNK

Recently I’ve noticed that I’ve been turning into my father. His habits, mannerisms, quirks, and even taste in food have slowly been turning into mine. I always thought I looked like my mom. In recent pictures of myself though, I see my father.

For those that don’t know, my dad passed away four years ago. It’s only recently that I’ve talked about him. I guess it took time to manifest. The more I become him the more I remember.

I miss my dad.

TITLE: FATHER’S SON – 3 DOORS DOWN

I’ve moved in to my new place. I’m almost settled in as I still have a few boxes of stuff to put away. PLDT still hasn’t transferred my DSL connection over yet so I’m on fricking dial-up (how’d I ever survive this way before?).

I miss my old orange room. All I have now is white walls, absolutely no character. Maybe it’s time to frame and hang all those posters I’ve been keeping. I know I like white but this is driving me nuts. Reminds me of a sanitarium (God knows I belong in one).

Fate has decided that my next project will be to fix my room up. All I need now is the time and the money to do it. Should be fun though.

TITLE: HOME – MICHAEL BUBLE

Have you ever missed someone who’s just there? That’s how I’ve felt towards some of my friends. Physically you’re right there beside each other, yet it feels hollow. You end up missing them even though you're near enough to actually touch them. It sucks.

TITLE: MISSING YOU – JOHN WAITE

I will disappear from the blog for a few days. You see I’m moving house and I’ll have to get my Net connection transferred. Till then I won’t be able to send anything in.

Most of my stuff is already in the other house. I’ll be vacating my orange room and will sleep in it one last time tonight. By tomorrow night I’ll be in an unfamiliar place with a mess around me. But moving is what I have to do.

Ironically, moving on is the theme of my life right now. I have to go on and evaluate myself. Figure out my feelings, actions, and the direction I have to steer my life to. With the right guidance from friends and maybe better insight, I’ll choose the best way to go.

Better to move back, or to move forward. Just don’t stay here.

TITLE: MAKE A MOVE - INCUBUS

With anything that gets tighter and tighter, something is going to give. I guess that’s what happened with my friends recently. We were just so tight, so close, that it started to suffocate those not used to it.

Now if we could just wind the clock back a month we could do things differently. Steer things towards different directions. Maybe things wouldn’t be like this now.

I am praying that things go back to normal. After all we’re all friends, and true friends as I’d like to think, don’t let things go sour between each other.

TITLE: SO CLOSE – DARYL HALL AND JOHN OATES

I’m proud of what I do. I’m proud of who I am. In line with that, I’m proud of how I take care of my friends. I make mistakes but, they’re honest mistakes. My intentions are pure and have no malice. I would rather be sorry for mistakenly having to protect a friend, than to regret not doing anything if the trouble were real.

It has happened, and I apologize to my friend for the mistake. However I am proud of standing up for you and would do it again if needed. Of course I’ve learned my lesson and will be more careful. This I would do for all my friends, because that’s what friends do.

TITLE: PROUDEST MONKEY – DAVE MATTHEWS BAND

I’m becoming dumb. With music I mean. I used to be heavily into jazz. I got into drumming because I enjoyed playing tunes from Dave Grusin, David Benoit, Chick Corea, and Lee Ritenour. In fact the very first song I played whole on the drums was “Local Hero” by the Yellow Jackets.

These days all I play is rock. Nothing wrong with that, I love rock. All my friends are into rock too so it just seems normal for me to listen/play it while they’re around. However today as I reflect on how I used to be, I realize I miss jazz.

Jazz to me showed all the emotions a person can feel, without the need to say anything. Sure there’s vocal jazz and I love it also, however the instrumental kind is just special to me. Each tune has a story; if you listen closely you can hear it.

Someday I’ll find a way to go play jazz on the drums again. For now as I reflect upon myself, I’ll be: happy, angry, excited, depressed, sad, or what have you; while I listen.

TITLE: ALL THAT JAZZ – ELLA FITZGERALD

A playful seal was going about his own business swimming in the ocean. He was going through a kelp bed, dodging all the stalks. As he came to the end and into the open he saw a penguin.

The penguin was a playful one also; gracefully flying through the water, a sight in itself to behold. The seal was so enthralled with this that he ventured farther out into the open. All of a sudden a dark shape from the bottom comes hurtling up. The seal knows what it is. He quickly heads towards the penguin, hoping to warn her in time. Instead the penguin thinks he’s a predator a quickly dives towards the shape looming closer.

The seal unperturbed, heads towards the shape with the intent of distracting it from the penguin. He succeeds for a while but the penguin comes back, still oblivious to the shape below. The seal in his best effort again tries to reach head for the penguin, and again is mistaken for a predator.

Too late, concentrating on helping the penguin, he’s hit from the bottom. The shape now becomes clear, it’s great white.

The seal swims as fast as he can for the shore. He narrowly escapes. As he lies on the beach exhausted, he notices for the first time how badly he’s hurt. He thinks to himself if only the penguin knew I was a friend.

Staring back at the sea, he sees the penguin break the surface and swim off; oblivious to the giant fin following.

TITLE: UNDERWATER – VERTICAL HORIZON

I’ve been given the strangest advice, stop caring. I see the logic in it. Your feelings won’t affect how you act. That way you can’t be accused or perceived as anything. It’s sad that I have to follow this advice. I hate it! Unfortunately it’s the best advice for me at this moment. It’s such a bitter pill to swallow.

TITLE: BE LIKE THAT – 3 DOORS DOWN

I got into trouble for trying to do a good deed. Somewhere during that event the signals were crossed and all went to hell. You know what? It’s simple really. I’m a nice guy. I’m easy to talk to. You don’t want me around, I’ll leave. You have a problem with me, let me know. Be honest with me. That’s all I ask. It will save everyone a lot of pain and confusion.

I think I’ve tried my best to be honest (Frank?) with other people, especially to people I care about. I don’t hide anything, nor do I camouflage my intentions. To my dismay, this has given me much grief than it should have. Can’t an honest guy get a break?

TITLE: HONESTY – BILLY JOEL      

I have just got home from a gig and night out at Capone’s. What a time I had. I’m drunk right now and feeling much like a war freak. It was pretty tense for a few moments but I have to say I enjoyed every minute of it.

A friend of mine was being harassed by a guy that wanted to hook up with her. The sleaze bag! All the moves; I could see my friend recoiling. She was doing her best to fend him off. I couldn’t just sit by. I stood up and charged but another friend pulled me back; reminding me that she was a big girl. She eventually asked me to stay with her. The bastard wouldn’t take a hint. I held my ground. As I took her to her car he was still following. I have to say, I was actually itching for a fight. Never in my life had I been like this. I wanted so much to get into a scrape. But that is not why I’m writing.

I’m writing because I have friends. Friends that look after my back. As I went to protect my friend by her car, people like Jay (Server), Tito, Roman, JW (imagine a six foot black man); and even the security guards of Capone’s, had my back. They didn’t need to be told. They all saw what I was in and acted. I didn’t even know they were looking out for me till after the moment. I totally appreciate them for that. No matter what wrong they did me before, it’s all nothing compared to what they did for me this morning. I have a totally new respect for all of them.

I hope I’m coherent (I really am drunk). I’m still in fight mode. I was never like this before but when a close friend is harassed or wronged, I just feel I have to step in. I’m still surprised that I wanted to get into a fight. I’m a friendly person. This thing just got me so worked up that I didn’t pay heed to personal safety. I didn’t care. My friend was the most important person at that moment.

Friends, especially those that got my back this morning, I thank you. Looking out for me and my friend without even being asked to is just totally appreciated. Hopefully someday I can return the favor. Till then, you have my deepest gratitude.

TITLE: BABY’S GOT BACK – SIR MIX A LOT    

I’ve just gone through (still am if you think about it) an emotional roller coaster that for the most part I knew I was getting into. Despite all the ups and downs, I enjoyed most of it. But now the ride has to end, get out of my seat and walk away. I’m putting a smile on my face; it was good while it lasted.

TITLE: SMILE LIKE YOU MEAN IT – THE KILLERS