There are a few words that have been buzzing around my head for one reason or another these past few days. I thought I’d put them down.

Hope, unconditional, loyalty, cycle, gratitude, reciprocate, niggle, friendship, love, issues, indifferent…

Just a few that I can remember at the moment.

TITLE: WORDS – MISSING PERSONS          

No rest for the weary. This week we’re swamped, so much for trying to rest and get well. I still have that nasty cough (but thanks Bambi for bringing Pei Pa Koa over, hopefully that’ll fix me up). It’s only Wednesday but I feel like all my energy is already spent.

So much has happened already. We recorded a few more tracks for our album last Monday (got really sloshed afterwards and ended up sleeping in my clothes, but that’s another story), played badminton and had a gig Tuesday, tonight we play for a Citibank event at Speedzone. The rest of the week is mapped out with even more gigs. I have to find time to watch my Episode III DVD that Neil brought me from Stateside.

Mind you, I’m not complaining. I need the dough, and I can only get that from working more (unless of course you would like to make a donation to the “Save Frank from having to work to pay off his massive pile of debts fund”). It’s a living.

TITLE: WORKING OVERTIME – NEW ORDER

The past few days have been much better for me than last week. I’m back in communication with most people that mean something to me and I’ve got a much better disposition now. I am however still sick with a nasty cough and a on-again-off-again cold. Hopefully things will even look better soon.

TITLE: BETTER - HOOBASTANK

A friend of mine once told me that my expectations play a role on how I act and react to people. Thinking about it (believe me, I’ve thought about it a lot), I agree. I’ve been disappointed because of certain things that I wouldn’t have thought others would do, and it’s getting to me.

I’ve had to reevaluate my perceptions of some of the people I’ve considered the closest to me. It’s been difficult to say the least; mainly because I think of them the way I want them to think of me. Is it fair? Maybe not, but I value them very much hence the high expectations.

Recently I have been let down; that’s how I feel anyway. Maybe it wasn’t a conscious effort; or maybe things just changed (or you're being overly sensitive). I’ve had to resort to telling myself not to care (again advice given to me from long ago); that way it wouldn’t affect me so much.

As the Gin Blossoms said “If you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down”; apt.

TITLE: NO EXPECTATIONS – THE ROLLING STONES

I feel awful. I’m under the weather right now. Got a bad case of the cough and a bit of the sniffles. My head is heavy too. I’d sleep but my cough keeps me awake. As Debbie told me last night “Sucks to be sick”; I totally agree with her. Last night's gig didn’t help either. We played an open air wedding reception in Tagaytay. The cold air mixed with the hot stage lights were wrecking havoc on me.

All of this is making me cranky too. Making my mind work in ways I don’t like. Oh boy! What’s with me? It’s like I’m falling apart all of a sudden. Aaaarrrrrgggghhhh!!!!

TITLE: BUSTED STUFF – DAVE MATTHEWS BAND

I should lighten up. I’ve been telling my friends that for the longest time yet, here I am now ignoring my own advice. Lately you see I’ve been rather jumpy. Not physically but mentally/emotionally. The slightest nudge here and my mind wanders. Sometimes I zone out; other times my mind goes to overdrive.

I need to be calm right now. I realize that I should learn to go with the flow. I used to. A line from Toad the Wet Sprocket’s song “All I Want” always rang true for me. It goes “whatever happens will be”; that I have to live by.

TITLE: EVENFLOW – PEARL JAM

Probably isn’t true but I can’t help but feel like my friendship has been taken advantage of. Probably isn’t true but I feel like being close to me was a means to and end. Maybe I was there out of convenience. Or maybe something better came up thus things changed. I can appreciate those who are loyal and are sincere; those that take the time to touch base and remember that I was once a close friend. However I’m probably just thinking too much and really have no reason to have doubts.

TITLE: I THINK I’M PARANOID - GARBAGE

Hey buddy, slap the brakes. Keep yourself in check. You be wary, you might get into trouble. You’re not all that you’re cracked up to be. Get real. Take a step back. Now!

TITLE: WARNING SIGN - COLDPLAY

I have to admit something (which a while back I think I already did), I enjoy coming to the rescue. There’s just some gratification I get trying to help a friend through a rough patch. Maybe this is some delusion or fantasy of mine to be a knight-in-shining-armor, or be some sort of superhero. I would jump in harm's way for a friend (count how many clichés I’ve used in just 63 words).

This has gotten me into trouble before, thus I have been more careful. Only jump in when I’m needed. But when the signal is given, “Look out evil doers! Tank smash!”

TITLE: TO THE RESCUE – DANNY ELFMAN

Why does everyone always assume something is bugging you when you become distant? Again the “star” mode thing hit me the other day and it worried the hell out of my friends. Well I guess I can’t blame them as I’d probably think the same if another person went diva-ish all of a sudden.

When I enter that "star" mode, it really isn’t because of any particular problem; it just happens. What I think of during my episode may be troubling, but I’m fairly positive that it isn't the trigger.

As of last night though I think I’ve learned to control it. I can enter it while I’m on stage, giving me my good performance. As I get off the stage I turn it off. Could be a fluke, but let’s see in the upcoming gigs.

TITLE: HAZE - DISHWALLA

You ever notice that during the holidays you receive a lot of these texts with seemingly profound, often long winded, highly insincere feeling messages? Well there was one that I got that I just had to share with you. Read it and you’ll know why I just had to write about it.


TITLE: DECEMBER IS FOR CYNICS – THE MATCHES

I’ve retreated to my dark place. I’m enjoying it while at the same time hating it. This is a mood swing if ever I’ve experienced one. My post “Superstar” talked about my entering into what Tito called “star mode”.  Getting into it is random. It just happens. I never plan it. When in the darkness my mind works.  Not always thinking of good thoughts, sometimes working on delusions of grandeur. If only I could turn it on or off at will.

TITLE: CRAWLING IN THE DARK - HOOBASTANK

I have a friend going through a very rough time right now. I don’t like seeing my friends suffer. It irks me that I can’t do anything to really help. I hate it.

TITLE: TEA AND SYMPATHY – JARS OF CLAY

Why do I subject myself to this? I know nothing will come out of it. Am I still hoping against hope that what I’m doing counts as something? Who am I kidding? Or am I believing my own PR on the misunderstood thing?

It shouldn’t matter. I know what I’m doing has no bearing. I was warned. I didn’t listen. If all of this blows up in my face, it’s an “I told you so” moment. I can only blame myself. Why did this, for lack of a better term, event happen? I’ve been doing ok for so long. Damn! Idiot!

TITLE: ROUND AND ROUND – NEW ORDER

Happy new year everyone! Just finished celebrating the calendar change with my family. Now I’m getting ready to party! More updates as soon as I sober up!

TITLE: THE NEW YEAR – DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE